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The school gates can be a lonely place
Being the only separated or divorced person in your child’s school year can be uncomfortable. You can feel isolated and alone being amongst happy families at pick up and drop off times.
There is surprisingly still a stigma associated with being a single parent and this can be tricky to handle if you are not prepared. People will be curious about your situation and so it’s natural they will talk about you, although this can be upsetting. I am a big believer that it’s not what happens to you in life that matters, it’s what you do about it. So I have created some techniques and strategies you can use to make things easier for you.
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| 8 top tips to help you cope with school issues | |
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1. Be upbeat and friendly. If you are approachable then people will find it easier to talk to you. It will also make it harder for anyone to be unkind to you. Don’t talk about your divorce to people unless they ask you and then keep it light.
2. Make an effort to get involved in the school and with the other parents. Help out at school events as it will give you a chance to meet more people and feel part of the team there. If you can create a good circle of friends it will make life a lot easier for you and your kids.
3. Organise play dates with class mates so that your child is mixing outside of school with other families.This will help them build stronger relationships back in the classroom, helping them bond and feel more secure.
4. If someone is gossiping about you remember that people will be curious and will have questions about being divorced. Be careful not to make it worse in your own head, as often these things are often not meant to upset you. Make a few close friends at school and they will have your back and it will also give you someone to chat too at pick up times.
5. Parent’s evenings, nativity plays and sports days are some of the events that can make single parents feel awkward. It will always be better for your child if you can maintain a friendly enough relationship with your ex to go along to these things together. However if this is not possible then take a family member with you or ask to go along with other parents so you don’t have to sit alone.
6. Talk to your child’s teachers. If they understand your situation at home they will be able to do the right thing for your child at school. You don’t have to go into too much detail but enough so that they can appreciate and offer support for any emotions your child may be experiencing.
7. Have lots of things going on in your life, other than school. Spend time focusing on things that you enjoy doing such as your work, exercise, hobbies and being with friends and family. This will help you rebuild your life and have a healthy focus outside of the school gates.
8. Don’t be afraid to be different and the only divorced person at the school gates. You will be surprised what is hidden behind closed door and at how many people are actually on their 2nd marriage. As your children go up through the years divorce becomes more common and you won’t feel so isolated.
Remember that you are stronger because of your divorce and now you have the opportunity to redesign your life just the way you want it. Things don’t always work out as we would have hoped but there is always something good around the corner if we have our eyes open and are ready to grab it. Practice the tips above and you will soon feel stronger and more able to cope with life at the school gates.
Sara Davison is an entrepreneur and personal development mentor with over 16 years of experience as a life coach and business coach.
www.saradavison.com
PHOTO: STEFAN POWELL
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