Young children (up to 5 years old): Use pictures or drawings to explain to them. Use familiar language such as ‘Mummy’ and ‘Daddy’ to refer to the other parent.

Age 6-11 years old: May be able to understand information and will be more able to talk and express their feelings.

Age 12+ years old: Capacity to understand separation is increased. They may have friends whose parents have separated so may already have had some form of exposure to this.

Hormones will kick in during this time and moods may be unpredictable so keep communication open. Give them time and space to process the information.

Share your feelings with your child
It is okay to share your feelings with your child. Encouraging children to express their feelings will help them feel that it is okay. Parents get told so often to be a role model and this applied when expressing emotions. You are only human after all!

Be prepared that they may react in different ways; some children may cry or display anger or frustration. Reassure them that it is okay to be upset and offer cuddles to comfort.

Tell them the truth
Tell them what they need to know; they don’t need graphic details especially if there are particularly painful reasons for why the separation is happening in the first place (infidelity as an example). Be civil with the other parent; avoid belittling or criticising them in front of the children.

Reassure them that it is not their fault.
It is common that children may feel like they are to blame or they may try and convince you to stay together because they can’t stand the thought of their parents being apart.

They may say things like ‘I will be good if you stay together.’ It is important to reassure your children that it is not their fault. Tell them that you both love them and that will not change.

Stay future-focused
Make plans with your children and involve them. Keep a routine so that it does not interfere with their usual sense of normality.

Don’t forget, that it is also important to take care of yourself. There is always the potential that the separation may affect you negatively and may lead to having emotions that you have not dealt with.

Taking care of your own mental wellbeing is important because if you are not getting the support that you need, you may struggle to be fully present for your child. Separations are difficult but you don’t have to ride the wave alone.

Get in touch
If you feel like you need some advice on how to talk to your children about separation, psychological support following a separation or to explore the idea of family therapy, you can get in touch with My Family Psychologist here. They offer tailor-made support in couple’s therapy, solution-focused family therapy, and mediation designed to help you through any relationship and marital difficulties that you may be experiencing.

This article originally appeared on the Stowe Family Law Blog. Please click here to visit the website.