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Is Dating Your Ex a good idea? |
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I’m not talking about make up sex. I’m talking about a situation where you’ve been divorced for years and then you attempt to rekindle a romance with your ex by starting over. Is that possible? Is that advisable? Well, it depends. Have the parties worked on the personal issues that caused the break up in the first place? Are the parties looking to date with the intention of re-marrying?
I have had the pleasure and displeasure of being best friends with my ex-husband both before and after our marriage. When we divorced, I lost a very big piece of my life. Should we try again? Now that’s the question. Our kids say “No!” We say “Maybe.” At this point in my life, I’m not really interested in a husband but it would be nice to have a companion. Under those circumstances, do you go with the devil you know or do you go with someone new and explore the possibility of a fulfilling relationship that doesn’t come with the baggage and conflict that any relationship with your ex would be a reminder of? It depends. Every relationship is different, but I would recommend treading very carefully because if you have kids you do not want to take them through yet another rollercoaster ride. If you are toying with the idea of dating your ex, I give you the following advice:
1. Make sure you have both taken steps to resolve the individual issues that broke you up in the first place. A divorce is not just one party’s fault. Both of you have individual issues that contributed to the breakdown of the relationship;
2. Keep the kids out of it (no matter their age) until you are sure that this is the path you want to take;
3. Truly start over; treat this new relationship just like you would any other new relationship;
4. Go to couples counseling to air out the past and finally bury it. Otherwise, you are destined to repeat the same mistakes;
5. Don’t confuse sex with a healthy relationship. While the intimate aspects of your relationship may have been good and are certainly familiar and confortable don’t make the mistake of thinking that a healthy sex life will turn a bad relationship into a good one. It didn’t work while you were married; why do you think it will work now?
6. Finally, wait! Allow enough time to pass to work out your individual issues and then the couple issues before you even consider taking the step toward dating. I would recommend at least a year. As for me, I’m still thinking about it.
Wriiten by Cathy McNeil Stein
PHOTO CREDIT: KEVIN SIMMONS
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