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How to know when Divorce is the right decision? |
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When clients ask this question its like looking into a world, many of us have experienced or even may be contemplating. The realisation that the life we are living is not the one we want. Elizabeth Gilbert author of Eat Prey Love describes her own realisation as spending nights on her bathroom floor sobbing “Like a great lake of tears spreading over the bathroom floor with all my shame, fear, confusion & guilt…. I don’t want to be married anymore” If like Gilbert you may wish you could “slip quietly out of the back door, without causing any fuss or consequences” or like many stay & deal with the emotional turmoil, guilt, pain & financial pressures of divorce. Every situation, marriage & divorce is different, and ultimately, you are the only person who can decide whether divorce is the right choice for you. Here are a few things to consider in making your decision.
When is the right time?
This is a personal, intense decision, which you need to give yourself time to consider. Consider what would be your reasons for staying married? Have you got a joint goal in mind that you could achieve? Are you able to work through these problems? It may be about learning to have a voice or improving communication to ensure your joint goals are achieved together.
Confusion & indecision can be a positive
If you’re not sure, don’t try to force a decision. Clarity will come in time there is no rush. Consider all aspects of the reality of divorce. You may be telling yourself, I can’t leave. Will I be able to afford this? How will the children respond? With time all these questions can be answered but the important question is do you want to spend the rest of your life with your partner?
Accept when the relationship is over
With any healthy fulfilling marriage there should be honesty, commitment, respect, trust, care, fidelity, & ultimately common goals. A good way to accept that a marriage is over is if any of these are absent.
Choose happiness & life
Divorce can sometimes feel a failure. Sometimes divorce can be short sighted & a selfish choice but sometimes it’s a choice for life, happiness & health. It may be the only option to enable you to move forward & grow. Your inner voice however quiet will give you the guidance to know the difference between these two & what’s right for you. Give yourself the opportunity to listen to this and be honest with yourself. If you decide that leaving is the right thing, then see this as your inner self, doing the brave & courageous thing rather cruel, mean failure. Whoever & whatever others say or suggest, whether that’s to stay or leave it is your choice & only take action when you are ready. It’s your journey & however lonely & frightening that may feel you don’t have to walk it alone.
Written by Jo Rayner (Life Coach UK) If you have any questions on how coaching can help you achieve your goals and aspirations please email, call or visit my website www.joraynercoaching.co.uk
PHOTO CREDIT: CRAIG SUNTER |
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