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Getting your confidence back after divorce |
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No one thinks they are going to get married only to then get divorced. Regardless of when the relationship breaks down, it knocks your confidence. Your place in the world has changed. You question your identity, and you feel as though you have come to the end of a large chapter in your life.
However, remember its important to think about the positives as well. You have a chance to make a fresh start, to re-invent yourself, and to see this next chapter of your life as a challenge. That is not to say that you should tell yourself that everything is brilliant when it is not, but there are some small things you can do to help yourself along the path to recovery.
One of the best ways is to think about the good things in your life.Take some time to think about the positive things in your life you feel happy about, these may include
* your family
* your friends
* your hobbies
* your career
* your health
* your pets
* your environment
Start to plan for your future
Now you‘re single again, it’s important to give yourself some time to consider what your goals are. You may have had shared goals in your marriage, but now it’s time to plan your own short, medium and long term goals for your future.
Start to love yourself again
If you are struggling to regain your confidence after divorce, try this simple exercise. Take a pen and a piece of paper. List all the things that you have achieved. Anything – from getting a promotion, passing a test, learning how to cook, or helping someone through an illness. Next to each of the items, write down the characteristics you needed in order to achieve those things. Now take a moment to look at the words next to your list. Keep adding to your list over time, and nearby. That way, you can keep it in mind whenever you start to doubt yourself.
When to Start Dating Again
Don’t hide yourself away after your divorce. As Human beings we need human contact so at some point you will have to come out of your shell and start dating again. Be mindful of your expectations on dates. Treat them as new learning experience.
As your confidence grows again, there may be some good dates, some bad. You may fall in love with the first person you go with after your divorce –and you may not particularly like them as a person! However, the right person is just around the corner don’t panic.
Quick tip
Don’t discuss you ex and spend the whole time hating. If you need to talk to someone about how you feel, consider a therapist or counsellor.
PHOTO: ROBBY MCKEE
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