You can move forward after divorce to be happier than you were before, but you won’t get there very fast carrying lots of rocks in your rucksack.

Divorce is a complicated legal and emotional battle and an on-going evolution especially if you have children with your ex.

There are many transitional stages to go through to empty the rocks one by one from your rucksack to lighten the load.

To be left for someone else and lied to in the process is deeply humiliating and the feeling of betrayal is huge.

It is not easy to explain the catastrophic emotions you go through.

Your life is turned upside down.

Not only is your relationship over but you are having to deal wlth the rollercoaster of emotions such as shock, jealousy, heartache and deep sadness, to name but a few.

How will you trust anyone ever again?

At the same time, you have so many hamster wheel questions going round and round in your mind.

You would like answers, but you doubt the answers will be the truth because the jilter has lied about so much for a long period of time. One of the questions will be: Why?

Here are five things to let go of after divorce:

1. Anger

You have two choices

(a) remain focused on the past or

(b) let it go. Focus instead on a happy future.

Your future is bright and your divorce has played a part in putting you on the road to rediscovering yourself.

2. Love

The world is a big place.

Your heart may have been broken, but you are worthy of finding love again with someone who will reciprocate this unrequited love

3. Sadness

Sadness can come and go like waves during and after your divorce journey.

You will face feelings of grief, failure and uncertainty.

All these emotions are normal, so cry, scream whenever you need to.

Go for a walk, a run.

Do something that makes you happy.

Surround yourself with people you can trust and who genuinely care about you.

Don’t let the sadness consume you, don’t hold it in, just let it go and make the choice to be happy. Actions can change thoughts.

4. Injustice

We can struggle with feelings of injustice during and after a divorce and the rights and wrongs of it all.

Our thoughts are dominated by how we’ve been treated unfairly by the judicial system, the ex and how they cheated and lied and yet carry on without an ounce of remorse.

They didn’t declare financial statements and proclaim to be hard up and yet they are enjoying luxury holidays and driving around in a new car.

This is infuriating and you want to scream this is so wrong!

Ultimately, for your own mental wellbeing, and as hard as it may be, you have to let it go.

Shift your thinking into “it is what it is”.

Focus on you and what you are in control of.

You have the power to change your life, so long as you let go of the past. Concentrate on you, the here and now, today, tomorrow.

The very best thing you can do, is let it be.

5. Expectations

As I have mentioned, it is normal to feel upset at the end of a relationship and in fact it is a necessary part of the healing process.

You will take one step forward and two steps back.

Try not to set too many goals for yourself, but enjoy the journey moving forward.

The difference between expectations and reality … is disappointment.

You can take the time to get to know yourself again and learn to be happy in your own company. Expect to work and focus on yourself daily.

Love yourself. This is your new life. Hopefully, your load feels lighter already.

If you come to the decision that you deserve better and the relationship is truly over then the process of healing can truly begin.

Be comforted in the knowledge that as one door closes another one opens and when it does, your life will be even better than it was before.

Wriiten by Paula Crowhurst Divorce & Separation Coach.
Visit www.divorceseparationcoach.co.uk for further information.

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