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Divorce is no longer a dirty word |
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The word ‘divorce’ conjures up the strongest of emotions - guilt, betrayal, fear, loss and perhaps, most overwhelmingly, failure. Although still seen by many as a failure divorce doesn’t have the same stigma attached to it that it had years ago.
My parents got divorced in 1977 when I was 9. I remember being the only one in our avenue whose parents were getting divorced and the only one in my class from a “broken home”. When you’re 9 all you want to do is blend into the crowd, not be the odd one out – trust me!
In those days divorce was considered shocking, negative and shameful. Divorce was a dirty word. Fast forward 31 years to my own divorce and things have changed considerably. We were most definitely not the only divorced people in our avenue and in my sons class at the time there were more divorced parents than married ones.
So perhaps it’s time to rethink how we feel about divorce. What if ‘divorce’ wasn’t such a dirty word anymore? Imagine instead it simply signified the respectful end to a significant relationship? A relationship that wasn’t working anymore.
If managed well, your divorce could be something that you later look back on with pride.
A successful divorce:
1. Leaves both parties and the children relieved and happier that any conflict and disharmony is now over.
2. Means that both partners can move on with their lives and after a period of healing find a new partner they are more suited to.
3. Leads to both partners being able to co-parent respectfully. Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin are a recent example of this. Rod Stewart regularly has all of his children and ex wives around his dinner table at the same time. That’s a healthy attitude to divorce!
4. Encourages the children to see that break ups can be dealt with maturely and in a civil way. Children of divorced parents can have a better understanding of life. They mature quicker and often deal with problems easier.
5. Leads to a re-birth. After years of compromising in an unhappy marriage you are free to be who you really are. As long as any children are taken care of you can go where you want when you want. You can indulge in hobbies and adventures which make you feel fully alive.
It may be painful but divorce can be done successfully. You just have to choose to do it that way.
Written by Tina Hetherington. Divorce Coach. Visit survivingdivorce.co.uk for further information.
PHOTO CREDIT: TO FOLLOW |
