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5 Ways to Survive a Difficult Divorce |
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For some divorce is an inevitable ending to a marriage that is no longer working. Although sad, both parties manage to remain reasonably amicable and the break up goes smoothly. For others bitterness, resentment and spite creep in and the divorce becomes a very difficult process. How do you survive if yours is a difficult divorce?
Here are 5 ways:
1. Look after yourself physically – you’re going to need to be at your best physically if you’re going to get through a horrible divorce. That means eating well, not drinking (or drugging) too much, exercising and having some early nights. The temptation may be to stay up late, get drunk and slag your ex off to anyone who will listen but that’s not really going to help. Indulge in long walks, hot baths, spending happy time with your kids and anything that will help you remain calm. You will cope so much better if you feel physically well.
2. Be philosophical - everything happens for a reason. You may be thinking why me? Why is my ex behaving so badly? Why is my divorce so bitter? But try to let go. None of us can control how another person behaves but by remaining rational, calm and composed you are ensuring that you’re not making the situation worse. It’s not easy but you need to be the bigger person and in time things will settle down. The more you can look at the big picture, rather than the nitty gritty the better.
3. Have great friends and family who you can open up to - It’s so important to be able to talk to someone you trust. Stay away from your negative, bitter friends as they will only add more poison into the mix. Seek out your calm, positive friends, the ones who will lift you up. Divorce is an extremely emotional time and you need to be able to make sense of and work through those emotions. Do not use your divorce lawyer as your counsellor. It will be a very costly mistake. Lawyers do a fantastic job legally but if you need emotional support consider a divorce coach.
4. Embrace your freedom – yes you may have lost the family life and future that you thought you would have but think of what you’ve gained. The freedom to reinvent yourself, to travel, to make new friends, to try new foods and new experiences. Most of us compromise ourselves to make a marriage work and sometimes the real us gets lost in the process. Seize this golden opportunity to start all over again as a better version of yourself. Older, wiser and stronger.
5. Stay positive – it’s not all bad. Your divorce won’t last forever. Soon you will be free. Keep a positive mindset as much as possible. Even if you’re heartbroken by your divorce and it wasn’t what you wanted most people look back after a number of years and see that their ex wasn’t right for them. Very, very few people would have them back if given the chance. Your break up really can be your breakthrough. You can turn that pain into possibility because every cloud has a silver lining!
Written by Tina Hetherington. Divorce Coach. Visit survivingdivorce.co.uk for further information.
PHOTO CREDIT: DAVID HALL |
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