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5 Ways to Make Mediation Easier |
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It takes huge courage to sit in the same room as an ex partner and to talk about how you can make arrangements concerning your children and money going forwards. It can be very emotional and can cause both parties a great deal of anxiety. By committing to the process and to resolving matters in this way, both parties can reap the benefits of a quicker, cheaper and more amicable resolution. In order to get the best from mediation here are 5 tips for anyone using this process:
1. Do your preparation. The more information you have the easier it will be to explore different options. This is especially true in sorting out financial matters. Using mediation is not a way to avoid disclosing financial information to each other – the information is provided and reviewed in mediation sessions. This can be coupled with obtaining legal and financial advice about your situation. By having comprehensive financial information you are best placed to be able to properly explore different options to find the best way of helping you both move forward.
2. Be Focussed on the future and the solution, not the past. Where one or both parties are struggling to come to terms with the breakdown of the relationship mediation meetings can become about what went wrong in the relationship and whose fault this was. This is not helpful as it’s unlikely to be something you can agree on and it does not help you to move forward.
3. Be open to needing extra help. If you find that the mediation process is stalling and you are just not moving forward then think about why this is. Where a couple is stuck in conflict it can be because they need assistance dealing with the breakdown of the relationship. A therapist or family consultant can help the parties to find ways of moving forward. If there are difficult financial questions that neither party can answer then a financial adviser may also help the parties to be able to identify realistic options.
4. Be prepared to compromise. If you have not been able to resolve matters between yourselves then the chances are that the solution lies somewhere between each of your preferred options. It’s human nature to focus on your situation and your fears but this can stop you appreciating where the other person is coming from. If you are prepared to make compromises then you can find the other person reciprocates and you are able to find a solution that you both feel you can work with.
5. Stick with it! After a particularly hard mediation meeting you can feel sore about having made compromises but not having found a solution. You may feel you gave more than the other person. You may feel that your ex was rude and made hurtful comments. Take time to calm down and to talk to a supportive friend or family member, or your counsellor. Try to avoid knee jerk reactions. You may have made more progress than you realise and may therefore be nearer a resolution than you had envisaged. If you have concerns about the process then talk to the mediator
Louisa Whitney is a family mediator and non-practising family law solicitor. She runs LKW Family Mediation which is based in Dorking in Surrey but mediates in Sussex and Surrey. Her website is www.lkwfamilymediation.co.uk
PHOTO CREDIT: CHIARA CREMASCHI |
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