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10 Ways to Cope With the News of Your Divorce |
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You’ve just received the news that your spouse wants a Divorce and you’re in shock.
Divorce can feel like the ultimate rejection, a huge betrayal, and that you’re a complete failure. Everything you know is turned upside down; you feel devastated and don’t know where to turn.
Divorce is a monumental change. Many people, rather than face their difficult, painful feelings turn to quick fixes to get some relief from the pain. They think that something outside of themselves can make them feel better and they turn to food, drugs, sex, work, alcohol, shopping, TV, Internet — whatever is fast and easy.
This will never work long term. In fact it will more than likely make you feel worse.
Here are 10 healthy ways to cope with the news of your Divorce.
1. Accept what is. Even if you are still in love with your partner, they don’t feel the same way. This can be a bitter pill to swallow, but the sooner you accept this the sooner the healing process can begin.
2. Assemble your support group. Surround yourself with people who care about you. Ideally POSITIVE people, not the people who will slag off your ex and embitter everything. Choose the right friends and family members to support you, the ones who will help the process not hinder it.
3. Make sure that the children are Ok. You may or may not have told the children yet but little people are incredibly sensitive to their environment. They might not know but they will very much pick up that something is wrong. Extra cuddles and reassurance will probably be needed.
4. Be kind to yourself. Eat well, have long baths, massages, walk in nature and spend time alone. Give yourself some TLC. Enjoy home comforts and quiet time. The news of your divorce has to sink right down into your cells. Take stock and reflect on what went well in your marriage and what went wrong. Try to be objective. A Divorce is rarely the fault of just one person.
5. Consider employing a Divorce coach. A Divorce coach is an excellent way to get understanding, non-judgmental emotional support. You have a lot of decisions to make and the right professional coach can help you make those decisions more easily. They will help you to move on so that you don’t become miserable and stuck.
6. Beware of people giving advice. Once news of your Divorce gets out the world and his wife will want to give you advice. “Take him to the cleaners”, “Hide all your assets etc etc”. Nobody should know you like you do. Take the time to know your own mind as much as possible and you’ll make the right choices.
7. Interview a number of Divorce lawyers. If your Divorce is definitely going ahead then you will probably need a Divorce Lawyer. Don’t just jump to use the first one you see. Get recommendations from friends and see a few different lawyers. Try them on for size. The right fit will save you money and ease the process.
8. Stay positive. This is possibly an easy one to say but a hard one to do. Your marriage has ended for a reason. If it was working out for you and your ex then it wouldn’t be ending in Divorce. In time the insecurity and pain will fade and you’ll look back in hindsight and see it was actually the best thing for both of you.
9. Take control of your life but don’t be too rigid. Spend time deciding what is right for you (and the children). Don’t get embroiled in a tit for tat battle with your ex. Try not to be too rigid with arrangements etc. It’s not easy, but as much as possible go with the flow. If you’re prepared to give a little then so will your ex and the whole process will be easier and smoother.
10. Don’t give up on finding love and happiness again. For many people their break up leads to their breakthrough. They have a much richer, more fulfilled life with the freedom to be who they really are. When you’re happy, fulfilled and free to be who you really are that’s when your soul mate appears!
Although the news of your Divorce can be a devastating blow initially it can turn out to be the best thing that ever happened to you. Leading you to a better life and a better love than ever before.
You’re not the first and you definitely won’t be the last to go through the process. Nobody’s perfect, learn from any past mistakes and then move on to a happier future.
Written by Tina Hetherington. Divorce Coach. Visit survivingdivorce.co.uk for further information.
PHOTO CREDIT: DON BEBOLD |
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